The Second Divorce

10 November 2006 – 18 August 2017

I met my second ex-husband in October of 1988 when I was a 10-year-old 5th grader and he was a 9-year-old 3rd grader. We met at a slumber party. That’s right, I said slumber party. I don’t know wtf any of our parents were thinking by allowing us to attend a boy/girl slumber party. Maybe they thought we were still innocent young children.  I assure you, we were not! I have no memory of there being any adults at the house that night.

My second ex-husband and I kissed in a closet that night (my first kiss!)…we were playing that famous party game, “Seven Minutes in Heaven”. Some of the other festivities of that night included trying to conjure Bloody Mary in a dark bathroom, using an Ouija board, playing “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board”, and even trying to make ourselves pass out by staring at a light and choking each other. What the hell?! I don’t even know how we knew about such things at such a young age!

Anyway, we were boyfriend/girlfriend that whole school year. (Ain’t it sweet?!) We attended the same church starting when I was 13. He dated my cousin. He dated my sister. At the time of my first divorce, he was living with my brother. Our lives are so intertwined that it’s ridiculous.

I was legally separated from my first husband in August of 2005 when I started seeing him. I’d only been separated for about two months, but he was fun and exciting. It was a great escape from the shitstorm that was my life at the time. We drank a lot of alcohol and did a lot of drugs. We were both in bad places when we got together.

Our life together as husband and wife was good but we never really connected as a team. We went through some traumatic times that I don’t think we ever dealt with properly. A few examples: in 2009 my job as a contract analyst for a three-campus hospital was suddenly outsourced and I was laid off; shortly after that we had a miscarriage at 7 weeks into the pregnancy; shortly after that we got pregnant with our rainbow baby (who is now 7 years old); shortly after that we had a miscarriage at 17 weeks into the pregnancy. This list could go on and on but my point is that trauma impacts us more than we realize.

He called me this morning and told me that this blog is “bullshit” because I’m leaving out a lot of details. He says everything I’ve published so far makes me look like the victim. Pretty sure I’ve stated that I’ve created the mess I’m in, but whatever. Can’t please everyone, right? I think maybe he’s waiting for me to tell the world the reason for my second divorce. Well, get your stones ready sinners, because here it is: ADULTERY.

I had an affair. Three times. From 2014 to 2017, I had an affair three times with the same man. A man that I’d met when I was 16. There is no excuse to justify my actions and I’m not even gonna try. I’ve made my peace with God over it and now I’m dealing with the consequences of my actions. Nothing anyone says or does to me will ever be worse than the punishments I have and continue to inflict upon myself.

 

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4 thoughts on “The Second Divorce

  1. Gp says:

    Takes a heap of courage to face yourself and acknowledge your mistakes in judgement to God and to those who love you no matter what and allow the chips to fall where they may. I say keep on trucking and don’t look back, your headed in the right direction.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Theressa Devin Stanley says:

    He who is without sin.. you know how it goes. I too, have been in that position in my first marriage. The first time it happened, I thought.okay…move on..it won’t happen again. Then later when I realized I was a repeat offender, I got out. It happens. It’s painful and hurtful. But I have become a better wife in my second marriage. Not only will I not disrespect him, I would never do it to myself again. We live and we learn. We are faulty human beings in this thing called life. God loves us regardless. Your honesty and courage will bring you through. I call it walking through the flames. It’s hot and uncomfortable. Hang in there. You are loved by many, but completely and unconditionally by Him.

    Liked by 1 person

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